Recently, a friend indicated that I have ‘changed’. But she did not have an exact word to describe that change. I would like to believe it as a positive change, since she throws some lines on “If I were in your shoes, I don’t know what I would do. But you seem managing it well (despite all the chaos).
I don’t feel that I have changed (into a different person). But I realized that I’d became more of MYSELF lately. Those who know me very well (to the core of me) does not bat an eyelid. Nothing’s impressive on what I’ve been doing. I just be ME. I become more comfortable of being myself, accepting all my quirks, my strengths, and also my flaws. French people call it “je ne sais quai”. I don’t claim myself to have THAT level of confidence and self-acceptance. But, I get better when I get older (and bolder) year by year.
I am not afraid to speak my mind out anymore. I have nothing to lose. I actually have lost everything I hold on dearly. And the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that nothing is permanent. Things and people can come and go. So, I have MYSELF that I can rely and lean on to. My inner insights. My ‘torchlight’ in the darkness. So, I am okay if people don’t like or adore me. Coz the biggest realization is that not everyone will like you. You are too bold for some people, yet too quiet for others. Too soft spoken for some people, but too opinionated to others. People’s impression and their opinion on me won’t change me. I just value people who values me for whatever I can bring on the table. I don’t need to be reminded of my failures or weaknesses on daily basis. I don’t need it to be frequently thrown to my face. This is ME speaking my truth. Take it, or leave it. Love me, or ‘hate’ me. But one thing for sure, you won’t regret having me in your circle.
We can never meet EVERYONE’s expectation. I can go on giving some badass quotes for self-assurance. But I am not going to. I think you’ve got the point.