I don’t feel that I have changed (into a different person). But I realized that I’d became more of MYSELF lately. Those who know me very well (to the core of me) does not bat an eyelid. Nothing’s impressive on what I’ve been doing. I just be ME. I become more comfortable of being myself, accepting all my quirks, my strengths, and also my flaws. French people call it “je ne sais quai”. I don’t claim myself to have THAT level of confidence and self-acceptance. But, I get better when I get older (and bolder) year by year.

I am not afraid to speak my mind out anymore. I have nothing to lose. I actually have lost everything I hold on dearly. And the biggest lesson I’ve learned is that nothing is permanent. Things and people can come and go. So, I have MYSELF that I can rely and lean on to. My inner insights. My ‘torchlight’ in the darkness. So, I am okay if people don’t like or adore me. Coz the biggest realization is that not everyone will like you. You are too bold for some people, yet too quiet for others. Too soft spoken for some people, but too opinionated to others. People’s impression and their opinion on me won’t change me. I just value people who values me for whatever I can bring on the table. I don’t need to be reminded of my failures or weaknesses on daily basis. I don’t need it to be frequently thrown to my face. This is ME speaking my truth. Take it, or leave it. Love me, or ‘hate’ me. But one thing for sure, you won’t regret having me in your circle.

We can never meet EVERYONE’s expectation. I can go on giving some badass quotes for self-assurance. But I am not going to. I think you’ve got the point.

I recently had a nice lunch with my dear friend. While browsing the menu, she mentioned something about me being more adventurous on trying new food. On the other hand, she is more comfortable with ‘safe’ choices.

I am not super-adventurous. But, I do want variety and novelty in my experience. I always look forward to try new, interesting options. I can get bored when life becomes monotonous.

As she was browsing the menu..

She: How do you choose new food to try?
Me: I pick based on what interests me.
She: What if the food turn out to be bad?
Me: The choice comes with risks.
She: So, you are a RISK TAKER?
Me: Yes, I believe I am.
She: How do you feel or react if the food not up to your expectation? Do you feel angry?
Me: Not angry, usually. A little bit disappointed perhaps. But, then I just move on. I learn not to repeat that order, and I might try new dish next time.
She: Okay..!

She looked like she finally found the answer, and then chose an exotic looking tomato-based mocktail infused with mint.

It’s a simple conversation we had over food. But, it became an interesting thought process. During the conversation, I realized that the way I treated my food choice is similar with the way I treat and face new things in life. We won’t know whether we like something or someone until we try. And for me, better live a life by doing, instead of letting go of opportunities.

Now, you go back and read the conversation by changing the word “food” to “things”. It gives a clearer picture.

Photo by
Joanna Kosinska

Today is the last day of 2017. This year has been very eventful. I took a new job; make new friends and new connections, and confronted with challenges I have never faced before. With each challenge, comes tremendous opportunity for growth. Although I feel there’s so much more to achieve in life (that’s always the case for someone who always put very high standard in everything), I remind myself to pause for a while and look back on what I have achieved so far. Even though the wins seem small, consider them as small wins, which will eventually lead to bigger win (success).

Looking back to the person I was 1-2 years ago, I admit that I have progressed so much. That greatly matters to me. I don’t want to compare my milestones with other people. It will just make me feel never enough. I have to convince myself that I AM enough, and the only person I want to compete with is just my own self. As long as I am now better than my previous self, I am okay. There are 3 important life lessons I have learned this year.

1. PRACTICE GRATITUDE

Firstly, I learned to practice gratitude more. Life is not always rosy. From time to time, it throws curve balls at us. It’s easy to feel happy and thankful when you get what you asked for. But, it’s more difficult to keep feeling grateful when you have less. It is really important to appreciate what you have, instead of stressing too much on what you don’t have. Take a minute to list down 5 things you’re most grateful about today. You’ll be amazed how instantly it changes your mood. Even looking at the little things, you will feel so much better.

Take a glance at people who are less fortunate than you (in various aspects). While you are whining about your ‘crappy’ job, there are others who desperately seeking for one. While you complaint about your physical ‘imperfections’ (no body is perfect, by the way), there are people who are struggling with serious, debilitating health issues. While you’re unsatisfied with your small home, there are people without shelter over their heads.

2. FOCUS ON THINGS THAT MATTER

What matters most for me may not be the same for you. Everybody has his or her own things that matter. Decide what matters most to you, and be okay if you cannot commit to others. We have limited time, energy and money. The sooner you realize that you cannot do it all at the same time, the more content you will become. However, it does not mean that we should stop striving to do the best we can.

3. PRIORITIZE SELF-CARE

Finally, the most important lesson I learned in 2017 is to practice self-love and prioritize self-care. Be aware of your physical and emotional needs. Prioritize your own wellbeing before you can help others. When your ‘battery’ is full, only then you can present your best self to those around you. Putting your oxygen mask (in-flight) before putting it on others under your care is not selfish, it is a smart, responsible act.

I wish the New Year would bring us all the abundance, success and everything we wished for. Goodbye 2017, welcome 2018!

Photo by
Dawid Zawi?a

Today is the end of my 15-day social media detox. Why 15 days? I’ve done the 30-day version (or was it 21 days only?) last year. This time, I believe 15 days is sufficient. I need to take a break from digital life. I want to take the chance to contemplate and to reset my life.

I chose to be completely offline from social media throughout this period. “Social media” includes Facebook, Instagram & Twitter; where I am most active. I deactivated my Facebook (as logging out did not do the trick), and deleted Instagram and Twitter apps from my phone. I enjoyed the solid 15 days I have for myself. I am completely able to entertain myself without the digital connections. I feel that I have extra time in hand. And most importantly, I enjoy the lack of mental clutter that social network brings.

The experiment ends today. Guess how it turns out! I am still well alive and sane But I admit the loneliness starts to creep in (I start to feel the itch to log into Facebook to know what my friends are doing). Today I allow myself to get back into social media. But I’m reluctant to. I’m afraid that I will lose the calmness I felt not knowing what others are doing/discussing/arguing/trolling on the social network. I will miss the clarity of mind I experience for the last 15 days. And I definitely going to need back those extra time in hand when I’m not glued to my screens.

What have I concluded from this experiment? Truth is, I cannot run away from social media. It’s the currency for present-day communication. Everybody is on social media including our parents (and some grandparents). Almost every business has social media presence. At some point in our work life we also had to use them. It has become a part of modern culture. For instance, Facebook has become the largest, worldwide address book. Who keeps physical address book anymore these days? A friend you haven’t seen for 10 or 20 years, or whom lives thousand miles away can be reached by just a few clicks. This proves how powerful social networks actually are (if you use them appropriately).

I promise myself to be more mindful and careful with my time spent on those addictive networks. Though, I’m afraid that I might succumb to the addictive behaviour of being active on social media, again. They are designed to be addictive. And it is easy for us to be hooked on that as it is very entertaining. How many times we plan to check Twitter feed for “only ten minutes”, but ended up scrolling for ONE HOUR!? Nobody wants to admit that.

The fact remains that social media are just tools. We should decide on how we use the tools; not being used by them. Even though it needs lots of willpower to do that. Stay smart. Use social media sensibly. Do not get carried away.

Photo by
Jaz King

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things”.

Photo by
Ina Soulis

I’m at the beach. Listening to the sound of waves and feeling the wind on my face make me calm. Looking at the waves crashing on the shore, washing over the sand and taking all the debris back to the sea as if washing away my worries, my fears.

The sand is clean and clear. The beach is empty except for the two of us. I need my mind to get clearer. As clear as the beach. The sun is scorching hot on my head. I don’t seem to bother, as it doesn’t match the agitation I feel inside.

He knows that I needed to be at a beach. From time to time, I need to be in my element. He understands. No questions asked. I need this. For my own sanity. Only a sane person can keep him/herself happy. And only well-balanced people becomes the building blocks of a happy relationship.

Me and the beach. I have a long term relationship with the sea. I was born and raised near the sea. South China Sea. In a state with the longest and very beautiful shoreline. Where beautiful and kind people living their peaceful, tranquil life.

I get energized by the water element. The sand, the sound of waves. And everything about it. And he knows it. By now he’s 100 meter away doing his own thing. I believe that he’s giving me space. To do what I needed to do at the moment. I am now clearing my head by putting my thoughts on Simplenote app of my phone. It takes a great man to allow me to be myself. My true self. And not changing me into someone I’m not.

10 minutes passes by. I feel better already. The sun is getting hotter. We better go home. Instinctively he knew it and started walking towards where I am sitting. His arm stretched, pulling me to stand up. We then walked away from the beach, hand in hand. I’m leaving my worries and fear behind. I’m bringing only the good energy coming from the sea.

Till we meet again.

Photo by
Mink Mingle

I can safely say that I’ve passed my rock bottom. Through that, I learned to help myself when nobody else can. I learned to heal myself through the battle scars. I learned to lift myself to stand on my own two feet. I learned how to prove myself when everybody else is doubting me. That was a huge process. That was the crucial process to make diamonds out of a person.

What i can say today is.. life is good. Life is good when I’m doing what I want. Life is good when I choose how my life should be. Life is good when I create my own reality. Life is good when nobody is pushing you towards something is not aligned to you. Life is good when I have control over my life. (Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying my career/job is easy. Maintaining a full-time professional job is still challenging. We’ll get into that in another post).

I believe it is a blessing…to feel good and happy despite all the challenges (I am still facing). Thank you The Almighty for everything.